militantgoat (militantgoat) wrote,
militantgoat
militantgoat

bug is the new black

I've heard that in Barbados people have managed to sell varnished cockroaches to tourists under the title 'mahogany birds' which of course makes them highly appealing to your average not very bright tourist. They kill the roaches (somehow) and then open up their wings and smoother the items with varnish so they're all hard and shiny - i swear people will go for anything as long as its shiny.

if you thought that was bad wait for the news of today....... it is now fashionable / acceptable / surprisingly legal to buy jewel-encrusted cockroaches. No doubt marketed under some name which plays on the whole roach-broach situation, these pieces of so-called jewellry are actually that. They have really really expensive jewels and shiny things (please note) encrusted on their shell. Strange really, encrusted has always been one of those words that i only ever use in negative situations but i thought the same about roaches until now as well. Apparently encrusted has just gotten a bad press over the years and is now selling.

The pins are slid through the shell of the cockroach, the jewel attached with some kind of really sticky glue and hey-ho you're in rio. But perhaps you had not realised, as i had not in my fog of naivete that these cockroaches are still alive. ALLLLIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEE i say. For the love of all things good and sweet. As if having a lapel wasn't bad enough you're telling me you're going to stick a cockroach on it, with a shiny thing attached to is back and you're not even going to kill it first!!! what has the world come to.

The guy who is marketing these things, which are apparently really taking off, said, and he wasn't joking,

"it's perfect the roach-broach comes with its own custom-built box which contains dark places for it to hide in and we even put food in there. Cockroaches are great because they eat anything"

I know they eat anything, that's why they're bloody everywhere, eating everything and skuttling really really fast, and hissing AND flying, i repeat they can run AND FLY. RUN AND FLY. how many legs do they have, how many wings? far too many is all i say. We're talking here about mini-beasts that can eat themselves, eat each other and not only surive nuclear fall-out but can actually live for 9 days without their heads. NOTHING should be able to live for 9 days without its head but if it can i sure don't want it pinned to my clothes.jewel-encrusted or not.
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